“I asked you to throw the wrapper in the dustbin and yet here it is lying on the floor, how hard it was to just open the cabinet and throw it directly in the dustbin?”
You hear yourself yelling at your child when you suddenly remember it was you who had gone to throw it while on the phone and might have just slipped it out.
So, what next??
You owe an apology..
Wouldn’t you do it if it was not your kid and some adult for that matter??
Yes you would.. So why not apologize to the tiny little human??
Just because he or she is your kid, and you think you will have less respect in reciprocation if you apologize?
But that is actually not the case.
It is a relationship, and the most important thing in a relationship is to say I Love you and also I am sorry.
Your relationship with your kid is like a bud which needs to be groomed to a flower, and sorry plays an important role in it.
So, what difference will it make if we apologize to our children?
They will know that there is nothing wrong in saying sorry and it doesn’t make anyone weak
Apology is a way of saying what you did was wrong and you will try your best not to do it again. It doesn’t make you weak or inferior to anyone just because you said sorry. It will just mean that you did something you should have not done and you are sorry about that.
They will know that most important is to value the relationship
They will understand that saying a simple sorry will keep the relationship at a higher stand that the ego. They will understand that to keep their own self aside and just accept what they did is wrong is the best thing to make it work. It will not only help them further in the life about also help in the present to accept that the relationships are what is life about and not merely about self.
They will learn that anyone can be wrong, and hurt others feelings
Anyone for that matter, old young, rich poor, big small, can be wrong at any point of time, and just avoiding to say sorry as you think you are superior to other might not be the right thing to do.
So, everyone including the parents who are the role models can be wrong. This gives the child a sense that until and unless you did it deliberately, you can apologize for the wrong things you did and it is totally okay.
They will understand that it makes the other person relaxed and happy
Doing something wrong yourself and yelling at someone else for some reason or the other, is what can make the other person upset. And being upset is one of the worst feelings. Once you say sorry for what you did will make the other person happy, and relaxed that you understood that you were wrong.
This will again make the child realize that saying sorry will help in strengthening the bond as the other person will feel better about all that happened.
They will know that it is not at all shameful to say sorry when you are wrong
Accepting your mistake and simply saying sorry is when you will teach your child that is is not at all a disgrace to say sorry to your child. In fact it is a way of showing strength that anyone can be wrong and it is courageous to accept your own mistake.
How and when should a parent actually apologize??
Apologies can be for small and big things
Your child has been asking you to read a book for her since say around 10 minutes, but you have been busy attending a call or may be just taking a shower. When you finally sit and read to her just say “Sorry, I delayed it when you were asking me to read, will read it right away.”
This will surely put a smile on her face and the book you will be reading will be more fun to read. It was just a small thing, but it was valued by you, and so your child understood it.
The big thing can be yelling at your child unnecessarily, when you really just had a bad day or were too tired to may be deal with the tantrums of your child. When you sit in peace for 2 minutes, you will realize that you could have handled it much better, and they are just kids who are exploring the world around them. A sorry and a hug would be perfect here to make the bad and tiring day to be a good and a fun filled one.
When you say sorry mean it
Just saying sorry is not the criteria for being apologetic.
Meaning that you really are sorry for what you did is the most important thing and that is what will make the difference.
Just saying sorry on your way out of the house, when you had to take your child for a dance practice and can not accompany her, will not help. Saying sorry and explaining before hand why you can not accompany her for the practice as you have some urgent work that has come up, will be the right thing to do. This will help your child understand that it was something you could not have skipped.
Don’t make any excuse while apologizing
Telling them that you yelled at them just because they were throwing tantrums, or being extremely naughty or may be just because they were not taking a nap, will not be the right way to apologize.
Tell them you are sorry anyway and you should not have yelled at them. Then later when everything is sorted out and its all calm, make them sit and try to explain that why what they did was not right, but don’t add that it was the reason for your yelling.
Tell them that you will work to set it right the next time
Next time when there is a dance practice, or any other activity, make sure you are there for it and do not miss it by any chance. The apology for the previous time will be accepted by an open heart.
Make sure you do not repeat it the next time
If we keep apologizing for something and still keep repeating it every other day, say the yelling, the apology will just be meaningless. So, it is better to just make a plan before hand as the same situation might again be repeated, and you will need to do better to gain trust from your child. The sooner is better.
It is after all not as difficult as it seems to be. If you are not use to saying sorry to your child, it might just take once or may be twice to get use to it. We are humans and being parents doesn’t just make us perfect. We have flaws and accepting them and saying sorry when we know we are wrong would make a whole lot of difference to the lives of our children, the most important being that they will value the relationship, more that their own ego. Also, they will feel appreciated.
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